Bocce for Beginners - Reddit Contest - M.paniccia

7/30/2019 Bocce for Beginners - Reddit Contest - M.paniccia

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BOCCE FOR BEGINNERS

Based on NBC's "Community"

By Mike Paniccia

[email protected]



CAST LIST:

JEFF…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………JOEL MCHALE

PIERCE……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………CHEVY CHASE

BRITTA……………………………………………………………………………………………………………GILLIAN JACOBS

SHIRLEY……………………………………………………………………………………………YVETTE NICOLE BROWN

ABED……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………DANNY PUDI

ANNIE………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………ALISON BRIE

TROY……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………DONALD GLOVER

SENOR CHANG……………………………………………………………………………………………………………KEN JEONG

DEAN PELTON………………………………………………………………………………………………………………JIM RASH

OFFICER CACKOWSKI……………………………………………………………………………CRAIG CACKOWSKI

STARBURNS…………………………………………………………………………………………DINO STAMATOPOULOS

PROFESSOR DUNCAN…………………………………………………………………………………………JOHN OLIVER

PROFESSOR KANE…………………………………………………………………………MICHAEL K. WILLIAMS

SOUP LADY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………TBD

HIPSTER 1…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………TBD

SCOREBOARD STUDENT…………………………………………………………………………………………………………TBD

SOUP VENDOR……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………TBD

CONFEDERATE GUY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………TBD

This episode is meant to occur in season three before S03E10“Regional Holiday Music”. Please keep this in mind if any majorchanges happen to any characters during the second half of thethird season.

ii.



COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

INT. STUDY ROOM - MORNING (DAY 1)

BRITTA, ABED, TROY, PIERCE, SHIRLEY, and ANNIE hang out. JEFFenters confidently with an official Greendale book.

JEFFDid you guys know that there is a massive loophole here just waitingto be exploited?

The DEAN pokes his head out from behind a stack of books inthe background looking excited.

PIERCEI knew it!

JEFFWhat?(Pauses)Oh, that’s gross, Pierce. No, thereis a massive loophole with regardsto skipping tests due to athleticconflicts.

The Dean looks away, disappointed.

TROYSay what?

JEFFApparently, if you have to attend aschool sanctioned sporting eventyou are allowed to miss up to onetest per class per semester.

TROYWhy did no one tell me about this!

BRITTA

(To Jeff)What do you care, you don’t playany sports?

JEFFI care because I have an Economicstest on Monday that I don’t want to waste the weekend studying for.

(The group breaks out into disinterested grumbles)



BRITTA Let him talk! What’s your plan?

Jeff pulls a flyer from the inside cover of the book he has,and holds it up triumphantly.

JEFFBocce!

The entire group stares at Jeff with confused expressions.

JEFF (CONT’D)There is a Bocce Tournament onMonday at City College. If I, andby “I” I mean “we”, and by “we” I mean “a team of four” start a Bocceteam we can all skip out on classto attend.

TROYThat’s a game for grumpy old white men, like Pierce.

PIERCEHey!

ABEDToo bad Walter Matthau and JackLemmon are both dead. It would havebeen great to have them guest star.

TROYWell I'm out.

Troy and Abed both get up and head to the door.

TROY (CONT’D)I hear some new lunch lady has been making this amazing soup that I want to try.

ABEDI hope this doesn’t create achicken fingers-esque repeat.

Troy and Abed exit as Annie begins packing up her things.

BRITTA Well it sounds fun!

JEFFYou seem awfully excited aboutthis...

2.



BRITTA I might also have a test that daythat I would enjoy not studyingfor.

PIERCEIt does sound fun! I want in.You’ll need someone with actualtalent on your team.

BRITTA (To Pierce)

Oh like you’re a star athlete!

PIERCE(To Britta)

Statistically speaking, you’reprobably gonna Britta it.

Everyone mumbles their agreement.

BRITTA Just you wait and see! I’ll dobetter than everyone!

Britta gets up to leave

JEFFWhere are you going?

BRITTA

We’re in a library, I’m going toget a book about Bocce!

JEFFFine. Annie? You want in on this?

ANNIEI’m kinda busy. Plus now that Ilive with Troy and Abed I feel thatI need to follow along with whatever they are doing. Good luck!

Annie gets up and runs after Troy and Abed.

PIERCEShirley! You are basically Italian!You’ll be good at the game.

SHIRLEYAnd WHY do you think I am Italian?

PIERCEYou’re catholic. Close enough.

3.



Shirley smacks Pierce on the arm.

JEFFShirley, we do need a fourth... what do you say?

SHIRLEYIt sounds like a fun game, and I will gladly help you out dear.

Britta returns with a few books.

JEFFWell it’s not exactly the team I would have chosen, but it should begood enough to beat whatever otherteam Greendale can throw at us.There is an exhibition match later

today against another group thatalso wants to be the Bocce Kings ofGreendale. If we beat them then we win the right to skip Monday’stest.

BRITTA Hooray!

JEFFSo first order of business, whoknows how to play Bocce?

FADE OUT.

END OF COLD OPEN

4.



ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. STUDY ROOM - LATER (DAY 1)

Britta, Pierce, and Shirley are seated in the study room asJeff stands next to the whiteboard reading from a book. Thereare a few Bocce balls on the table.

JEFFOkay, so from what I can tell itseems a pretty simple game. The white ball is thrown first, andthen the goal of the game is to see who can throw their ball closest toit.

PIERCEI guess Britta and Shirley are at asignificant disadvantage then!

BRITTA (Annoyed)

Add it to the board.

On the side of the whiteboard Jeff has already written“Pierce Ball Jokes” and eight tallies. He adds one more.

JEFF

You are allowed to hit otherplayers’ balls with your own andare even allowed to hit the whiteball.

PIERCESounds like they are going to getpretty sore.

Jeff adds another tally on the board and continuesunperturbed.

JEFF

(reading)A point is scored for the team withits ball closest to the white one,and additional points are earnedfor each ball of the same team thatis closer to the white one than theclosest ball of the opposing team.

5.



SHIRLEYSo with four players that meansthat each team can get four pointsper round?

JEFFYes, but if anyone’s ball istouching the white one then thatteam earns an extra point. It iscalled a kiss, but it must remainin place at the end of the round.

PIERCEI don’t think Britta will bekissing any balls today!

BRITTA Ewww!

Jeff starts to add to the tally, but then stops.

JEFFDoes that count?

PIERCEI’m saying she is probably going tosuck at it!

JEFF(Thinking)

Doesn’t count, just mean.

PIERCEPlus, she’s a lesbian.

JEFFNOW it counts.

INT. CAFETERIA - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)

Troy sits down at a table and takes a big sip of his soup.His eyes go wide.

TROYThis... this is the greatestsubstance I have ever put in my mouth. The beef mixed with thevegetables... its so soupy, but nottoo much...

Troy begins to devour the soup. He lifts the bowl up to hislips and chugs. He stands up and throws the bowl to theground.

6.



TROY (CONT’D)(Shouting)THIS SOUP IS YUMMY!

INT. STUDY ROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)

Jeff is still standing by the white board next to the table with Britta, Shirley and Pierce. The “Piece Ball Jokes” counthas increased significantly.

JEFFOkay, now that we all know how toplay, all we need is a team name. Ihonestly don’t care so one of youpick.

PIERCE

Balls for Britta! It hasalliteration!

Jeff writes “Balls for” on the board

SHIRLEYI think we should include Jesus inthe name.

Jeff then writes “Jesus” on the board

BRITTA Not everyone believes in Jesus!

Jeff adds a question mark.

JEFF“Balls for Jesus?”. That is aterrible name.

Jeff gets a text message.

JEFF (CONT’D)Crap, we gotta go. The exhibition match starts in five minutes in thefield outside the Cafeteria. Put

these on!

Jeff hands a green T-shirt to everyone. The back of eachshirt has the first letter of the wearer’s first name intape.

PIERCEP, for perfect!

7.



SHIRLEYS, for sweet!

BRITTA B for... best... ever?!

They all look towards Britta.

BRITTA (CONT’D)What?

JEFF/SHIRLEY/PIERCEYou Britta’d it/let’s go/idiot

INT. CHANG’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)

CHANG sits behind his security desk putting together a puzzle

of an adorable puppy. He is one piece away from finishing.

CHANGWhere’s the piece? What sickbastard would take Senor Fluffilosface! I shall investigate...

Chang lifts up his Taser to reveal the puzzle pieceunderneath.

CHANG (CONT’D)Oh... I’M SO BORED!

OFFICER CACKOWSKI knocks on Chang’s door and enters.

CHANG (CONT’D)You! What do you want!

OFFICER CACKOWSKIJust thought I would give you theheads up. We have been tracking aseries of drug sales, and we havegood evidence to suggest thatsomeone on your campus has beenpurchasing large quantities of ahallucinogenic drug.

CHANGWho?!

OFFICER CACKOWSKIIf we knew that we would havearrested him. Just try and keepyour eyes open, and if you seeanything let me know.

8.



He exits.

CHANGFinally! A real case!(Talking to the puppy puzzle)Don’t worry Senor Fluffilos, we’llcatch this guy... Or girl! I knowjust where to start!

Chang runs excitedly out of his office, cackling manically.


Abed is waiting in the lunch line in front of STARBURNS asTroy runs up to him.

TROY

The soup! Get the soup!

ABEDAre you sure?

TROY(Serious)

Have I ever joked about soup!?

ABED(Serious)

No, never.(To the attractive soup

lady)I’ll have two bowls of the veggiebeef soup.

TROYThree! You’ll want one too.

STARBURNSHey no cutting!

TROYGet the soup Starburns. The soupunites us all!

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)

Annie is walking towards the cafeteria as Chang leaps outfrom inside a trashcan. His legs and lower torso are stillinside and he has a banana peel on his head.

CHANGStop criminal!

9.



ANNIEHow long have you been in there?

CHANGLong enough! You are such a slow walker! Stop trying to distract me!I know your game!

ANNIEGame?

CHANGYeah, I know you are secretlybringing in drugs! Are you sellingthem, or just using them allyourself?

ANNIE

What? Oh, so just because I used tobe a druggie you assume I am responsible?

CHANGYes!

ANNIEYou disgust me.

Annie storms off toward the cafeteria.

CHANG

She didn’t deny it! I think Iactually just solved the case!

Chang struggles to get out of the trashcan. He falls over asa student tosses and empty bottle at him.

CHANG (CONT’D)I could arrest you for that! You’relucky I'm on a case!

(To himself)I have to follow that girl, but she won’t do anything if she knows I'm there. I need a disguise...


Troy and Abed are seated at a table with a significant amountof discarded bowls. Annie walks over and sits down.

ABEDIt’s so hard to describe... it’s sosoupy, but not too much.

10.

(MORE)



This must have been what Seinfeld’sSoup Nazi’s soup tasted like.

ANNIEHi guys!

TROYAre you ready Annie?

ANNIEReady for what?

TROYReady to have your tasebud’s mindsblown away?

ABED(Makes explosion sound)

ANNIEUm, I guess?

ABEDThe soup Annie. Order the soup.

Annie walks over to the lunch line as Chang enters. Chang isstill in the trashcan, but he has removed the bottom so hecan walk. He has also cut armholes on the side and the lidhas been fashioned into a hat.

CHANG

Let’s see what you decide to slipinto your soup little girl!

Chang begins to follow Annie. She pauses. Chang drops downand pulls his arms in as Annie turns around. Even with thedisguise Annie can clearly recognise Chang, and simply shakesher head.

EXT. FIELD - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)

Jeff, Britta, Shirley, and Pierce arrive at the field outsidethe cafeteria. Behind the judges table sits Dean Pelton,

PROFESSOR DUNCAN, and PROFESSOR KANE. A small crowd hasformed to watch the game, and a poorly constructed scoreboard is being raised behind the judges.

BRITTA Who are we playing against?

LEONARDUs!

11.

ABED (CONT'D)



Jeff, Britta, Shirley, and Pierce whip around to see LEONARDand the rest of the “HIPSTERS”.

PIERCEYou!

LEONARDIt’s a shame you never needed a hipreplacement Pierce. You could havebeen one of us.

PIERCEI’ll never join you!

JEFFGet out of here old man, I hope youdon’t die before we kick your ass.

LEONARDIt’s on!

Leonard and the hipsters walk off.

PIERCEDon’t underestimate them Jeffery.This game requires no physicalcapabilities and minimal mentalthought. It’s the perfect game foran old man.


Annie returns to Troy and Abed’s table with a bowl of soupfor herself. She sits down inbetween them as they lean intowards her.

TROYPrepare yourself Annie. Prepareyourself for beef vegetable bliss.

She takes a sip of the soup.

TROY (CONT’D)

...and?

ANNIE(Casually)

It’s all right I guess.

TROY“All right”? “ALL RIGHT”?!

12.



ANNIEYeah, it’s pretty mediocre.

TROY(Makes unintelligiblescream)

ABEDMaybe it’s a different batch.

Troy grabs Annie’s spoon and tastes her soup. He closes hiseyes in a blissful state.

TROYThe soup is the same, Abed. Anniejust doesn’t taste it for somereason.

ABEDHave you recently burned yourtastebuds on any hot foods?

ANNIENo...

ABEDHmmm

ANNIELook guys, it’s just soup.

TROYIt is not just soup! It is thenectar of the gods!

ANNIEWhy are you acting so weird?

Chang walks up behind them eating some soup, still in histrashcan outfit.

CHANGAnyone who thinks this soup is notdelicious MUST be on drugs!

ABEDIt’s possible. Many drugs have beenknown to dull the senses.

CHANGOkay you’re coming with me!

Chang pulls Annie away as Troy and Abed eat the remainder ofher soup.

13.




The Bocce game is about to begin as “The Hipsters” and “BallsFor Jesus?” get ready to play. The Dean is standing betweenboth teams and is talking into a microphone.

DEAN PELTONWelcome everyone to Greendale’sfirst ever Bocce Battle! The winnerof this game will go on to competeagainst City College on Monday! On my right using the blue balls,

(Winking)ouch! We have the Hipster’s! On myleft using the green balls are“Balls for Jesus?”. That’s an oddname. Anyway, it’s first to ninepoints, and the green team rolls

first!

The Dean throws the white ball out into the middle of thefield. Jeff steps up, grabs a green ball, rolls it, and watches as it comes to a stop about 2 feet away from thetarget.

JEFFNot bad. Beat that Leonard!

LEONARDNot a problem.

Leonard steps up, picks up a blue ball, rolls it, and watchesas it comes to a stop touching the target ball.

LEONARD (CONT’D)Hah! A perfect kiss!

JEFFOh crap.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

14.



ACT TWO

FADE IN:


Open to the Bocce field where Britta and Shirley have alreadyrolled. There are three blue balls clustered around thetarget and the three green balls a few feet in differentdirections. Pierce is ready to roll. He throws the ball andknocks away a blue ball from the target.

PIERCEHah! Take that old man!

JEFFWell that’s weird.

BRITTA That Pierce is good at something?

JEFFThat he is the one calling someoneold.

The last Hipster rolls their ball knocking away Pierce’s.

DEAN PELTONThe first round is over and threepoints go to the Hipsters!

A STUDENT puts a “3” and a “0” on the first round of thescoreboard.

JEFFEveryone gather round, I have anidea.

INT. CHANG’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)

Annie is sitting in a silver chair while Chang holds aspotlight in her face.

CHANGWhere were you when the drugshipment arrived?

ANNIEI dunno, when did it arrive?

15.



CHANGThat’s for you to tell me! Now peein this cup!

Chang throws a medical cup at Annie.

ANNIEEww no.

CHANGSo you are refusing a drug test?!

ANNIEYou don’t even have a way to testit.

CHANGGreendale has a chemistry class!

Probably! Enough stalling, pee inthe cup!

Officer Cackowski enters Chang’s office.

OFFICER CACKOWSKIIs this the girl?

CHANGYeah, shes the one. Be sure to mention that I did all the work onyour report. In fact, I’ll submit my own report!

OFFICER CACKOWSKI(To Annie)

You are free to go.

CHANGWhat?!

OFFICER CACKOWSKIYou can’t just grab people and takethem to your office withoutevidence.

ANNIEThanks.

Annie throws the cup at Chang and storms out.

OFFICER CACKOWSKITry not to “arrest” any morestudents seeing as they canprobably charge you for kidnapping.

16.

(MORE)



If you get any actual leads, let meknow.

Officer Cackowski leaves.

CHANGWell Senior Fluffilos, this changesthings. I bet the police are in onit! This is all a clever trap tolure us off the scent. But I’m onto them! I’ll catch that girl ifits the last thing I do!


Jeff throws his ball for the second round. Leonard’s ball isalready sitting nicely next to the target. Jeff’s goes wide

left and behind the target.

LEONARDNot even gonna make it difficultfor us?

JEFFShut up Leonard.

A VENDOR from the cafeteria begins selling soup to everyone.The Dean, the other judges, and all of the Hipsters buy abowl.

JEFF (CONT’D)You guys want some beef soup?

BRITTA I’m a vegetarian!

PIERCEHell yeah!

SHIRLEYYes please.

Jeff wanders off to buy some soup as the rest of the round

plays out. The second Hipster places it right next to thetarget, and Shirley throws even further behind Jeff’s ball.The next two Hipster’s also land right near the target, whereas Britta’s is the worst of all. Pierce steps up.

PIERCEWatch and learn Hipsters!

17.

OFFICER CACKOWSKI (CONT'D)



Pierce throws his ball directly at the target ball knockingit all the way to Britta’s ball where it touches her’s andstops.

PIERCE (CONT’D)(To Britta)

Hmm I always thought you would bethe one to kiss MY ball.

BRITTA I’ll add that one to the boardlater.

LEONARDKiss my ass!

DEAN PELTONWell that’s three points, plus one

for the kiss to the green team!This battle is heating up!

A student puts a “0” and a “4” on the second round of thescoreboard.

PROFESSOR DUNCANI am getting paid overtime for thisright?


A large crowd has formed around Annie. They are standing in afinishing pose at the end of a choreographed dance number.

CROWD(Singing)

And that’s why the soup is thebest!

As they hit the last note a few lights flash and Abed throwsconfetti on Annie. The crowd is in a hush as Annie slowlytakes a sip of the soup.

ANNIE

(looking disappointed)Sorry, it still tastes mediocre to me.

The crowd lets out a disappointed sigh as a few props comecrashing down. The attractive SOUP LADY is standing in thecorner watching everything.

18.



SOUP LADYIt’s okay guys, not everyone isgoing to love the soup. I’ll go make another batch, but I’m runninglow on ingredients so I will haveto be $10 a cup.

TROYA small price to pay forexcellence!

The soup lady and Annie exchange equally suspicious glancesof one another as she exits to the back room.

ANNIEI know! It’s her! You just like thesoup because it is being served toyou by a pretty girl!

ABEDHmm I wouldn’t rule it out. We needto experiment.

They all look around and Troy spots CONFEDERATE GUY, anelderly gentlemen with a creepy white mustache wearing aleather jacket with the confederate flag on the back.

TROYExcuse me mister scary confederate man?

CONFEDERATE GUYYeah.

TROYCan you feed me this soup?

The scary confederate guy spoons some soup into Troy’s mouth.

ABEDAny change in the taste?

TROYNope, still delicious, though I did

get the urge to run away screaming.

ANNIEMaybe the annoyingly attractivesoup lady is right. Maybe I justdon’t fit in.

TROYDon’t say that!

19.



ANNIE(Sobbing)

I thought that after moving in withyou guys I would fit in better withthe group, and people would find mefun and interesting. I guess I’llalways be boring ol’ Annie!

Annie runs off.

CHANGDo another song!

EXT. FIELD - SLIGHTLY LATER (DAY 1)

The score of the game is tied at 8-8 beginning the eighthround.

DEAN PELTONOkay everyone, its the final round.The team that wins this round willadvance to play City College onMonday! The Hipster’s are up first!Also, is there any of that soupleft? It was really good!

Leonard throws his ball a bit off and it lands about one footaway from the target.

JEFF

Okay focus team, we can win this!

BRITTA Is it just me or did that soup makeeveryone a little woozy?

JEFFThe soup was fine. It was betterthan fine, it was fantastic. I lovethe soup! You know it’s reallycharming and stimulates all mysenses. I was thoroughlyentertained by the Soup, and in the

end, that’s all it really needs todo.

BRITTA Whatever, just take your shot.

Jeff lines up to take his shot as he stares down the whitetarget ball. Suddenly the face of the Dean appears on theball and starts talking to Jeff.

20.



DEAN PELTON’S FACE(Seductively)

Hi Jeffery. Why don’t you rollright into me. Hit me right in theface, I don’t mind. Give me alittle kiss right here...

Jeff pauses mid stride screams and drops the ball. It rollsabout three inches as Jeff runs away screaming.

BRITTA What’s going on?!


Annie is hiding in the corner of the cafeteria finishing agood cry as Troy and Abed find her.

TROYAnnie...

ANNIEI know, I’m useless, and I don’tfit in, and I’m weird cause I hatethe soup!

TROYActually I think all that soup is missing with me a little bit.(To Abed)

Did you always have really cooldemon horns?

ANNIEWait a minute, I know what’s goingon here! Chang! Get over here

Chang, still wearing the body portion of his trashcan suit,comes stumbling over. A point of view shot from Chang showsthat he sees Annie sprouting feathers.

CHANGWhat do you want... are you a bird?

ANNIEFollow me!

Annie and company burst into the back room of the cafeteria where the attractive soup lady is pouring the illegal drugsinto the soup.

ANNIE (CONT’D)Ah ha!

21.



SOUP LADYUmmm... anyone want some soup?

ANNIEGet her!

The four of them begin to lunge at the soup lady when shequickly grabs a gun from a drawer and points it at all ofthem.

SOUP LADY(Overly dramatic)

Sorry I have to do this, but if Ikill you then my secret is safe! Ican re-infiltrate some other lameschool and make even more of aprofit on my soup! Maybe I’ll justsell it to the masses! The options

are endless! Sadly, you all mustdie first!(Indicating the gun)Luckily it seems the last soup lady was a little overprotective of hergoods!

TROYIs this real, or is this the soup messing with me?

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

22.



ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. CAFETERIA BACK ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The soup lady is pointing the gun at Troy, Abed, Annie, andChang who is still in the bottom half of his trashcan outfit.

SOUP LADYSorry about this.

She pulls the trigger shooting each of them, only to realizethat it was actually a paintball gun.

SOUP LADY (CONT’D)What kind of chef keeps a paintball

gun in their drawer?

ANNIEWelcome to Greendale, soup lady!

TROYAm I bleeding paint, or is this thesoup still messing with me?

Chang charges forward as the soup lady sticks a large pot onhis head. She throws another pot at Annie and escapes out ofa side door. Chang stumbles after her.

TROY (CONT’D)Did I just see a robot chase a witch or was that the soup?

ABEDAnnie, quickly you must go afterher.

ANNIEMe?

ABEDThe soup was laced with some sort

of hallucinogenic drug. You musthave built up some sort of immunityduring your crazy years, likeWestley in the “Princess Bride”.You are the only one who can stopher!

ANNIESo I do fit in? I’m not weird andcrazy?!

23.



ABEDBeing crazy in the past is whatallows you to fit in here in thepresent. Now if you’ll excuse me Ineed to catch that butterfly thathas been harassing me.

Abed runs into the cafeteria.

TROY(Just coming to thisconclusion)

Wait... The soup was a lie? I’vegot to warn the unicorns!

Troy stumbles after Abed.

TROY (V.O.)

(Sobbing)THE SOUP WAS A LIE!!


All the players except for Britta have thrown their ball.Aside from Leonard’s, none of them are anywhere near thetarget ball. Jeff is holding his legs to his chest rockingback and forth on the ground, Shirley is laying in the grassattempting to make a snow angel, and Pierce is sitting in achair he has placed on the judges table lording over everyonelike a king.

SHIRLEYThis angel’s for you Jesus!

PIERCE(Pointing towards thescoreboard student)

You! Fetch me a pheasant!

Britta leans down towards Jeff.

BRITTA What should I do? What is going on?

JEFFThis is your moment, Britta! Provethat you don’t always ruin things,save the day, win the game, and hitthe Dean right between the eyes!

BRITTA You’re right Jeff! Aside from thatbit about the Dean.

24.



Britta begins to stand up as Jeff dramatically grabs her arm.

JEFFWhat’s the “B” for?

BRITTA Britta?

JEFFNo!

BRITTA Oh! Best ever!

Britta moves into position, getting ready to roll the ball.

BRITTA (CONT’D)(To herself)

You can do this, Britta!

In slow motion: Britta throws the ball as hard as she can. Itrolls towards Leonard’s ball and sadly stops a little short.Britta falls to her knees in defeat.

Immediately after throwing the ball the soup lady bursts outof the school pursued by Annie, as Chang stumbles out adifferent door. The soup lady is looking backwards anddoesn’t see the Bocce field. She proceeds to slip on a blueball, and as she slips she accidently kicks Britta’s ballsending it flying through the air. Britta’s ball bounces offof Chang’s pot-covered head causing him to throw the taser.

As the ball sails back in the opposite direction it landsright next to the white target ball stopping as they touch.

The taser flies into Annie’s hands, and she proceeds to zapthe soup lady.

BRITTA (CONT’D)I kissed it! I kissed the whiteball! WOOOO!

She starts doing an odd victory dance before realizing thateveryone is too drugged out to have noticed what happened.She stops awkwardly as the Dean finally notices.

DEAN PELTONIt looks like we have a winner!Balls for Jesus wins!

BRITTA Did no one see me win?!

The police arrive to arrest the soup lady.

25.



OFFICER CACKOWSKINice job Annie, we’ll take it from here.

The police haul off the soup lady as Britta runs over toAnnie. Abed and Troy come stumbling out of the cafeteria.

BRITTA Please tell me you saw that!

ANNIESaw what?

BRITTA ...it’s okay. I’ll always know Isaved the day. When it really camedown to the wire and the pressure was on, I was able to win the game.

ANNIEWell I saw the soup lady trip...

Annie looks up to see Abed shaking his head “no” at herbefore jumping into a bush beside her.

ANNIE (CONT’D)...trip over something! Then I wastasering her. Sorry I missed yourshot completely.

BRITTA

It’s okay. I guess we should gocorral everyone before they hurtthemselves.

Britta walks off.

ABED (V.O.)You are learning quickly, my Annie.

ANNIEThank’s Abed. Why are you in abush?

ABEDHiding from the evil robot.

ANNIERobot?

Annie looks up to see Chang still wearing the pot andtrashcan chasing after Troy.

26.



TROY(Sobbing)

Why won’t the unicorns help me?!

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

27.



TAG

FADE IN:

INT. STUDY ROOM - SEVERAL DAYS LATER - (DAY 2)

Jeff, Britta, Troy, and Annie are seated at the table.

JEFFI can’t believe we lost 9-0 to CityCollege.

BRITTA They beat us in two rounds.

JEFFPlus, my teacher is making me do a

make up exam! It was all fornothing!

BRITTA Well I got out of my test, AND Isaved the day. It was a good weekfor Britta!

Chang bursts in.

CHANGAnnie. I want to apologize forthinking you were the culprit, even

though all the evidence pointedtowards you. As an act ofcontrition I want to give you agift.

ANNIEAww that’s very sweet.

Chang puts a cup of yellow liquid on the table.

CHANGI peed into a cup for you!

Chang exits proud of himself, thinking he just imparted theperfect gift. Annie screams with her mouth closed.

TROYIs that a cup of pee, or is thesoup still messing with me?

FADE OUT.

END OF TAG

28.

Bocce for Beginners - Reddit Contest - M.paniccia

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